Weeks go by without a thought of you, but today is not that day Songs we never heard together bring you to the top of my mind Tears well up before I can even know they are tears for you then it hits me so hard that today I will think of you Years gone… Continue reading Today, I Will Think Of You
My Perspective
There's a theory that if you place 4 people on each corner of an intersection and have them witness an accident, all four people will see a different accident and tell a different story. I tend to believe this theory is, in fact, true. "We see the world not as it is, we see the… Continue reading My Perspective
Fine
One word All you allow When you ask how I am Fine - Freaked Out Insecure Neurotic Enraged All that is not even close to what I actually am I am also in deep physical pain my heart hurts Not just figuratively It does, but I am in literal pain every part of me aches… Continue reading Fine
Clearly, I’m No Expert
"Hurt now or hurt later? -- I'll take now." ~ Mirabelle Buttersfield - Shopgirl by Steve Martin Smart women choose to hurt now as opposed to hurt later. But what do you do when the hurt doesn't go away? When the longing stays long past the time when you should be able to let go. How… Continue reading Clearly, I’m No Expert
Random Acts of Kindness and Paying Them Forward
It's Monday morning and I really should be getting ready for work, but something small, but extraordinary happened this morning that I need to write about, while it's still fresh. It seemed like a typical Monday morning, except for the fact that I actually did want to get out of bed and start my day.… Continue reading Random Acts of Kindness and Paying Them Forward
Ramblings
Several years ago, when I first ventured out into the world, truly on my own, I was so frightened and unsure of where the world would take me and if I would, in fact even be able to survive on my own, for I was determined to never again be needy, I came across a… Continue reading Ramblings
Transitions
The world turns on its axis, all day, every day, millennium after millennium. Why is it that despite the fact that the world is in constant motion, we find it so difficult to welcome and embrace change? We even balk at the change that can ultimately bring us great joy, choosing at times to stay in… Continue reading Transitions
The Nourishment Starts on the Inside
In an effort to mark the growth in my life, I like to occasionally review old essays and see the ways my life has changed; good, bad or indifferent. On Saturday, January 13, 2007, I re-posted this essay originally written circa 2001. More old words - Amazing how some things never change The nourishment starts… Continue reading The Nourishment Starts on the Inside
What Does That Say
That I would do harm to myself rather than confront the one causing my anguish What does that say of my love for myself? That I would suffer in silence rather than to speak my truth to power What does that say of my own self-worth? That I would hope for death rather than fight… Continue reading What Does That Say
Hidden Worth
Upon a shelf two vases sat one was made of common clay one was made of cloisonne One cheap and utilitarian the other Priceless and ornamental One plain and unremarkable the other alive with vibrant color One used without gratitude the other untouched and on display One dark cold day the earth shook and knocked… Continue reading Hidden Worth
There, But by the Grace of God
Grace ~ For quite some time I have been wanting to write a book. I've struggled with the concept of what it should be. They say to write what you know, and there is nothing I know better than my own life as I have examined it. I have been toying with the idea of… Continue reading There, But by the Grace of God
The Witching Hour
It's just past 4:00 am (The Witching Hour) and I've been awake for the last half hour or so. Unable to sleep for the second night because of a misunderstanding that has cut too deep and been carried too far, and a grammar correction, that for some reason, really bothered me; enough that I woke… Continue reading The Witching Hour
For BC
I have of late Been compelled to rhyme To take my verse to places sublime I had forsaken My poetic past Then was reminded The truest rhymes hold fast I was aware Of the price I would pay Having my soul sheltered this way I am not proud of this simple verse but the attempt… Continue reading For BC
Because We All Need to Matter
Unanswered
Millions of questionsCloud my mindBut I cannot findA single, solitary answer.
Fate
Going down the road with nothing to do I close my eyes and think of you. There's hardly a moment You're not on my mind The memories of you Are not hard to find. We dreamed of the future we forgot what was past it's sad to know that it couldn't last. A few days… Continue reading Fate
I Saw You
I saw you tonight, in a brand new light I let go of all my preconceived notions The beliefs that kept you at arms length That kept me safe and alone I saw you tonight, for the first time As a man, and a friend, and someone I wish I could know more intimately Without… Continue reading I Saw You
What If…
What if I loved you and you loved me Would you still be the boy who made me smile Or would the world have made you cold? What if we were married the way I used to dream Would you still find me amusing, Or would you have grown tired of me? What if I… Continue reading What If…
You
You haunt me You seduce me You fill me with desire I thought I’d long outgrown You frighten me You fill me up You show me a life I thought I’d never own You touch me You warm my heart You make me want a love Unlike I’ve ever known
Tonight
I am lost tonight In self-pity And self doubt I ache with a longing For touch I want to be held I want to hear the words “I love you” I want to believe It can be true.
The Movies
Popcorn Crunching Gum Snapping Dozens of private conversations Interrupt my thoughts I let them I lose my focus I am distracted My soul cries out!!! And I turn a deaf ear.
Lost In The Dream
Your words permeate my very soul, filling me with desire for your touch. Your warm lips cover me with soft kisses, I am yours. I cannot escape you. I don’t wish to escape you. I want to be forever lost in this dream of you, Lost in this dream of you. Your eyes see through… Continue reading Lost In The Dream
Would You?
“If you were here, Would you make love to me?” Those words, those words, I was not prepared. I felt my ice-cold heart melt, In an instant, I felt the hot blood rush through my veins. I knew I could not say no. Words, I myself, would never have uttered, Came from you so easily As if they were a mere… Continue reading Would You?
When Will I Love Again?
Will the day ever come when I can open my heart When I can believe what you say When I can look at my reflection and feel free When I can love what I see And believe that someone else can love it too. Will the day ever come when I can say “yes?” When… Continue reading When Will I Love Again?
Diviner
Black pen on white paper Dark and light Intertwined creating something Magical
Forbidden Kiss
You kissed me, My heart stopped my lips parted I remembered who I was I left.
Thief of My Heart
I tell myself, you’re not worth My Energy My Time My Self But, I Disagree I argue with myself, With the world With those I love and trust Yet, you, with all your deceit, You, I trust and pity You rob me of My Energy My time My Self
My Computer
I sit alone in my roomOnly the light of this monitor on my faceIs this my lover?I ask myself, is this my only friend?The hard cold keysclick away as I touch themAnd whisper the sweet nothingsThat no one else canThis object has my attentionOnly it feels my touch.It tells me what I want to knowI… Continue reading My Computer
Not The One
You feel so much morethan I am capable of.You want so much morethan I can give.You deserve to be loved.I am not the one.
Now?
Why now? After all these years, when I thought our time had past, you come back unexpectedly and surprising me. And now, here in this room. After all these years I am faced with all love I denied. You brought back the joy, the pain, the questions. Here now, After all these years, My heart… Continue reading Now?
Gone
I grieve for you tonight I’ve lost you and I finally grieve I hate myself for letting you go I was stupid and sanctimonious And I didn’t mean a word I said I would have gladly borne the slings and arrows thrown at me. Your love could soothe any pain Inflicted upon me by those… Continue reading Gone
I Never Cried
I never cried a tear for you That anyone could see. I laughed out loud So no one could see The truth of what you’d done to me. I hid so well, the pain I felt I wore a brave façade The face I showed the world Defied the truth Of what you’d done to… Continue reading I Never Cried
Forever
You leave and I feel as though I’ve lost you forever. But forever never comes. Time just lingers on and I lie awake and wait for you. To hold me once again and to Whisper in my ear that you love me That you need me I ask you to stay, I hold on too… Continue reading Forever
The Man I Used To Love
Where are you? The man I used to love. Are you still in that shell we call your body. Did you ever exist or were you an illusion? Someone I created to meet my needs? Sometimes I see a glimpse of you But it quickly vanishes from view. Where are you the man I used… Continue reading The Man I Used To Love
For Only A Moment
You touched me that night Your hands moved through The tepid moonlight-drenched water Your hand grazed my naked belly And up to my breasts, that arose and quivered at your touch. You took my face in your hands And you lifted my mouth to your lips You kissed me sweetly with a soft passion And… Continue reading For Only A Moment
Lost
I am lost without you. You’ve disappeared from my life And I cannot release you from my heart. I do not grieve at all For all the other lovers I’ve had, Only you who I could not keep. I would move heaven and earth To be with you again, To hold you and love you… Continue reading Lost
You Always
Silent whispers in the dark Calling you to me from afar You always hear The soft call of my heart Silent hours pass so slowly Time moves forward without us Miles divide us Always, you are with me You always know when I need you most You always come when I need you… Continue reading You Always
Anam Cara
You make me question my own soul Your eyes haunt me the memory of your lips burns my tongue the electricity of the smile in your eyes fills me with longing In your presence, the whole world blurs Who are you?
My Everything
My Angel My Love My Soul You are my one true love the holder of my heart the keeper of my soul You are the light I long for at the end of a dark day My Angel My Heart My Soul
The Question
In the quiet of the night I ask the questions In hope to set things right. Yet I always see The the questions I ask Do not pertain to me. When I ask of you To know who you are I see, what I know is true. You love me And I love you
Sail Away
Sail away with me my love Leave this cruel calculating world behind Find simplicity in Nature, Find love in my arms.
Voices
My heart beats in my chest I hear it’s pounding in my ears It says to me, “let down the wall, let yourself be loved Love yourself” I try to listen but traffic rolls by the radio announces another car chase I am distracted and I shut out the important voice that says “You are… Continue reading Voices
Broken Heart Haiku
You are here and yetyou already can break mewith one sad goodbye. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why can't you see mefor everything that I amI am not simple. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Complex as I amyou only see a small pieceof all that I am. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Withering awayunattended by loving, warm, sunlight. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Empty room, no musicChildren's laughter far awayAlone small… Continue reading Broken Heart Haiku
The Possibility of Love
Is it too soon to speculate About what all this means? Is it too late to create A love that will span time? Are we on time to finally find What we’ve been missing for so long?
Until I Know
I have so much I want to say But the words are trapped Afraid to surface Wanting not to reveal too much too soon Many times I’ve almost said The words I know as true But I stop myself And hold them back Keeping them from you I am sure you know by now The… Continue reading Until I Know
Dreaming
Am I dreaming? Is any of this real? The words you write say all I need to hear, Yet, I cannot touch you, or have you near. So tell me now, Am I dreaming?
So Sorry
Please forgive my innocence I wish that I could fit Into your world Of anger and indifference.
Disposable
You said you loved meAnd then you left meYou lied to meAnd then you laughed at meYou slept with meAnd you deserted meYou broke my spiritAnd then left me to dieYou stole my soulAnd threw it away
Rejection
Rejecting LoveRejecting MeReject the embracethat will surely reject me.
For So Long
For so long, I’ve hidden behind a facade of independent strength. For so long, I’ve laid claim fiercely and firmly to joyous solitude. For so long, I’ve let fear overtake my passion and mask my true nature. For so long, I’ve longed for what it was I had long ago, for so long.
