Chapter 3 – Present as a Pigeon

Day 4

I struggle with staying in the moment. I am sure I am not alone, but the struggle is real. I tend to relive the past and often speculate how I can bring things from my past and place them securely in my future. I have to remind myself frequently, that things ended because they were supposed to and bringing anything from the past into the future will only lead to the same result.

Writing every day is an attempt to focus on only what is in front of me, but even my typos distract me as I try to finish a thought. As I wrote the last sentence, I realized how distracting all the open windows on my monitor were and as I went to close them, I opened my music app and searched for music to help me concentrate. Maybe now, with nothing else to distract me, I can concentrate.

Meditation is a fleeting practice for me. I seem to do it in surges, not as a daily practice. I need to schedule it in to my daily life, maybe even multiple times throughout the day. As someone who works from home it’s not like I can’t take meditation breaks throughout the day. I did try a mindfulness app, but I wasn’t able to set it up in a way that works for me. It invariably popped up right when I was in the middle of something important and blocked what I was working on. Instead of helping me relax. I just added stress to my day.

Like my writing practice, I need to schedule a daily time to meditate, it seems early morning is best. My house is still quiet, so there is nothing to distract me. Maybe I need to replace coffee with meditation…okay just postpone coffee until after meditation. And if I meditate on coffee for a while, maybe I should just be okay with that.

I realize that a big part of this project is to get all these practices in to place and consistent and open myself up to what I am meant to be. But for right now, I have to be content with who I am right now.

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