Chapter 11 – Your Brain is your Bitch

Day 12

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I have to say, I loathe the word “bitch”. To me it’s so distinctly a feminine derogatory, that it’s really hard for me to get past it. I realize that I’m probably alone in this. I see women who love each other immensely call each other that. “Hey Bitches!” is something I hear even from my closest friends and I hate it so much. I don’t know why we don’t use “goddesses”, or “luminous creatures”, or even “badass babes”. That would certainly be more uplifting and loving.

Okay, I’m done with that, I got it off my chest. Today is really about controlling your own thoughts. Mastering the most powerful tool at our disposal. It requires that we do some real work. Some of the things I’ve been putting into place in the last two weeks are laying the groundwork to getting me to the place where I am mastering my own mind.

Yesterday, I created a new meditation space. I visualized after I wrote yesterday’s post and then I started piecing it together. Truth be told, it didn’t take long at all after I visualized it. All the things I wanted and needed in the space made themselves apparent to me as I thought about needing them. I need a small table, I could sit in front of…oh yeah, there was one in the garage. The tabletop was a little rough, so I needed something to cover it. Oh, yeah, I have the perfect square scarf with a tree of life on it. It was a going-away gift my girlfriends gave me when I left California. It had been sitting unused in my closet for almost 5 years. I had a lotus blossom candle holder my son had given me and an essential oil diffuser. I already had two European pillows that just happened to coordinate with my beautiful scarf. Add in my crystals and a basket of books, and other tools and I was good to go.

This morning I used my space for the first time. I set my iPad to play a Tibetan sound bowl recording and I meditated for about 7 minutes. I know I am not breaking any records, but something great happened because of that 7 minutes. I got dressed, did my hair and makeup. While that doesn’t sound too earth shattering, I haven’t really done this since I started self-isolating in late February. Most days I’ve gone straight from bed to work, staying in my pajamas all day, only getting dressed if I needed to go out.

I also started a committed use of a dot journal. I have tried web based to-do lists, but it turns out I like paper, A LOT. I’m figuring it out as I go, and studying what other people are doing, but I like the idea of having all my stuff in one place and in something I can take with me even without a device. Unplugging seems all the more possible.

Because of my dot journal, My friend Joann’s inspiration, and the “How to Embrace Your Inner Badass” chapter. I’ve decided to celebrate the end of the pandemic with a yoga retreat in Italy in 2021. I’m not sure which one (I’m finding lots of options), but I’ve started planning. I know it won’t be cheap, but part of loving myself includes doing something I’ve wanted to do in a place I adore. It’s how I’ll honor and love myself. Just deciding to do this, has given me motivation to restart my yoga practice and Italian lessons.

It’s amazing to me that I am just 12 days into this book; a chapter and a journal entry every day and already I am feeling the difference in how I am feeling about my life. I have started this book three times since it was gifted to me, and I always stopped around chapter 4. But now here I am, having made a commitment to finish, with no other goals beyond just finishing, and I am seeing changes every day.

While I don’t want to call my brain any pejoratives, I am learning to control it, and it feels so good!

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