I’m grateful, I swear, I am extremely grateful for just how blessed I am in my life. Seriously, I know I am super lucky. I have so much to be thankful for. I have a nice home, that I’m pretty sure I am not going to lose anytime soon. I have two wonderful children that I love and know love me. I have amazing, kind, loving, wonderful friends. I have a job, where I can be authentically myself. I work for honest, hardworking, prudent business owners, who are doing their level best to make sure we make it through this horrific time in the world. I have food in my cupboard and I can cook. I’m really good at pulling a meal together when it looks like there’s not much food in my pantry. So all in all I know I am pretty darned lucky.
The truth of the matter is, that on a normal day, I am also pretty much a cock-eyed optimist. I sometimes let things go too far in the negative because of my firm belief that ‘it will all work out in the end”. So even though my faith isn’t centered in any one spiritual practice, I do know I have a lot of faith.
The past few months, I have to admit, have not been good for my faith or my acknowledgement of my gratitude. Yesterday, was especially tough. Partly because I am fighting a head and chest infection (not COVID; just the usual seasonal allergy junk) and partly because the news (which I am trying to limit) was so full of meanness, and cruelty, and a viral video of the murder of Ahmaud Arbery, that I was ready to just give up on humanity.
Today, I had a call with my boss, a standard monthly review of revenue, and we started talking about the state of things. It was an honest discussion of how we are both feeling so overwhelmed by the illness and vitriol surrounding our lives every day, the struggle of having to adjust to thinking and working in a different way. But then, we started talking about how absolutely fortunate we are, that the business is doing well, that our families are safe and well, and because of the marvel of technology staying connected is not impossible.
That call helped so much. It’s a good practice to write down what you’re grateful for. But to actually verbalize it out loud, can really put things in perspective.
I’m not gonna lie. I am still heartsick over the COVID death count. I’m still angry when I see people protesting for their right to not wear a mask. I am furious when I see people treating, with such disrespect, those who are just trying to protect them. And I am heartsick that innocents are being killed for no other reason than the color of their skin, and the perpetrators are treated with kid gloves.
And through all this, I have to remember, that I am a lucky one. I am safe and well. I am loved and blessed beyond measure. I cannot let my anger and sadness be stronger than my faith or my gratitude.