I took yesterday off from writing. I didn’t mean to. I wanted to get out of the house and visit my mother’s favorite place, the place where her ashes were scattered over 30 years ago. Unable to spend time with my own children as we continue to distance ourselves physically, I felt the safest person to spend time with on Mother’s Day was my mother.
It was 109º so I didn’t spend as much time outside my car as I hoped I would. I read this chapter and felt emotionally separated from it. The chapter was about “tapping into the mother lode”; letting strangers into your life, expecting and enjoying the unexpected, finding humor, and joining in a party, and sharing your space. In a time of social distancing and stay-at-home orders, none of it rang true to me. I know this is temporary, as all things are, but it seemed so outside my purview right now.
I wonder if this is partly resistance responding. I know that at the point you’re about to make a breakthrough, roadblocks start popping up and things around you start falling apart. I’ll keep reminding myself that all those traits above are pretty close to my normal anyway, and once I get out of this period of isolation, I’ll loosen the bone, get back my sense of humor and adventure. And really start living again.
In the meantime, I’ll keep doing the work here. Part 4 coming next is called How To Get Over Your B.S. Already. It couldn’t come sooner!