The World in Which I Live

Musings from my life – poetry and prose

No-brainer day. I am a master non-negotiator. I’ve always accepted whatever was offered and rarely asked for more. This type of non-negotiation left me wanting but without a clue how to ask for what I needed and deserved. I worked my way toward what I needed and deserved, but I never started from the place.

Wait! There is another type of non-negotiation, one I must master—the art of non-negotiation with myself.
I have to learn to refuse to negotiate with myself and my lazy mind when I want not to do the things I must to achieve my goals.

I made several promises to myself: to write every day (yes, even weekends-especially weekends). I promised myself to practice yoga and meditate every single day. And I promised myself to build better sleep habits.

Every day I find myself wanting to hedge. Perhaps missing one day of one of my tasks won’t make a big difference. If I just hit the snooze bar one more time or watch TV instead of doing my morning reading, the world won’t come to an end. That is true; no one else will likely miss a blog post or a poem once in a while. No one else will be at all affected by my going to bed a little late or waking up late.

But, I diminish myself with every promise I make to myself and don’t keep. My integrity with myself at stake, with every moment I let myself down. How can I expect someone else to trust my word if I don’t trust it myself?

Just today, I almost talked myself out of yoga and meditation because I was in the middle of a movie. It was a movie I had seen before, so as I heard my inner self start to talk me into skipping, I decided to pause the film and do my practice. I’m so glad I did. I always feel better after my session. I chose to be who I want to be (a person who makes time for her practice every day) and decided not to be the person I was who would have preferred to finish a movie instead of doing something better for myself.

I did my practice, made myself dinner, poured myself a glass of wine, and finished my movie.

I guess sometimes this girl can have it all!

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